One Last Breath
Anime – Cowboy Bebop: Description: [Oneshot - Songfic - SpikexFaye] Faye contemplates about her latest encounter with Spike. Emotions ran high. Misunderstandings ran wild. How could it have all gone so wrong?
Author Notes: The song lyrics are in italics and underlined. The song is called, how strong do you think I am, and it is by Alexz Johnson. Enjoy.
—————————-
Faye laid across her bed; her body curled as her hands griped the pillow below her head. At what moment had she developed these feelings; these emotions that now tormented her very soul. No matter how much she tried to fool herself before, she now realized she knew nothing about him at all. Worse, he knew nothing about her.
If I don’t cry, do you think I don’t feel?
If I look away, it doesn’t mean I don’t see,
And just because I want someone when I’m alone,
Doesn’t mean I’m helpless,
That I can’t stand on my own.
It had been three days since the last time she saw him, but it felt much longer then that. She wanted to see him; no she needed to see him. He haunted her dreams, her thoughts, her every waking moment.
How far can we go before we break?
How long can I wait?
Faye stood up and headed through the corridors of the old ship making her way to the bathroom. Once there she stripped off her clothes and stepped into the bathtub when it had filled it up with hot water. Sitting there she let the thoughts of the early events plague her mind.
How strong do you think I am?
How much can I take of this?
Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?
Or the breath at the end of a kiss?
How deep do you wanna go?
‘Cause I’ll go there if I can,
You make it harder than it has to be,
How strong, how strong do you think I am?
Flashback – three days earlier …
“Look at me” he said, his voice sounding cold and harsh. His hands were still firmly keeping her in place, against the cold wall.
Looking up at the different colored eyes, that she could swear was making her weak at the knees, she simply continued to look at him without saying a word. She didn’t know if it was the alcoholic she had drank only a few moments ago or the fact she could feel his breath on her skin. She couldn’t move, couldn’t speak.
His gaze never left her. With every passing second she felt her heart beat faster. She had never felt like this and she didn’t want to. Not for him.
Putting her arms up against his chest, she endeavored to force him back. The attempt failed miserably and only succeeded in bringing their bodies closer together.
It’s so hard to tell,
What’s in your heart,
What you keep to yourself,
Is tearing me apart,
And should I be afraid,
To dream about you?
And if you feel the same,
What you gonna do?
“Let me go” Faye muttered, mentally cursing the fact that he probably smelled the alcoholic on her breath.
Yes, the alcoholic was impairing her from forming clear thoughts. It wasn’t only that though. It was him, that lunkhead as she so often called him.
“No” he said still looking down on her. His hands making their way around her waist and his face came in closer towards hers.
It was then that she noticed it. The smell of it on his breath was much stronger then on hers. It was clear now. He was drunk.
Her eyes light up with angry. Pushing him back with greater force this time, she managed to put some distance between them.
“What do you want?” she asked him, not really expecting an answer. The confusion was clear in her eyes now and she made no attempt to hard it. She was weak and she knew it. But right now it didn’t matter. All she needed was an answer to help her understand. No. She just needed a reason to give herself to him.
How far can we go before we break?
How long can I wait?
Pushing himself on her once again he muttered, “Damn you”. Before she could protest his lips came crushing down onto hers.
Her mind could form no thoughts; it was like her body was acting on its own free will. It took her a few seconds but she started responding to his kiss. Nibbling her bottom lip, he gained access to her entire mouth. The kiss quickly turned fierce as his tongue explored her mouth. Each of them wanted to dominate the kiss. No it was more than a simple kiss. At least it was for her.
He broke away from the kiss and started his assault on her ear and neck. Each kiss left her skin on fire. Grabbing her tighter he brought her body in even closer. A low moan left her lips as she felt the hardness of his member against her thigh. It was quite obvious what he wanted now.
The hands on her hips lifted her forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist. He continued his teasing across her jaw line and then made his way back onto her lips. She was so weak for letting this happen. For wanting him the way she did.
How strong do you think I am?
How much can I take of this?
Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?
Or the breath at the end of a kiss?
How deep do you wanna go?
‘Cause I’ll go there if I can,
You make it harder than it has to be,
How strong, how strong do you think I am?
Her eyes remained closed as they continued they kiss. She didn’t even notice until she hit the bed that she was in his bedroom. He was now straddling her – to keep her in place.
His lips left her for a second to take in the sight in front of him. He then resumed his assault on her skin. Kissing her neck he made his way down. His hands busy unbuttoning her yellow tank.
Faye was lost in the pleasure. She never imagined this to happen. Her own hands now started to unbutton his shirt. Her fingers traced every outline of his chest. Fingernails grazed his skin causing him to slightly shiver from bliss.
A low moan left her lips as he planted kisses across her now bare chest. The feel of his breath against her skin was driving her wild. It was too much to handle. She didn’t care anymore. She wanted him. She needed him.
If I move in any closer,
If you let go and give yourself away,
And if we let this happen to us,
Everything will change.
“…Julia…” he mumbled against the skin of her breast. He continued his teasing on her flesh as if he had not muttered a word.
Faye’s eyes shot open. That one word. That one name. It was worse then a bucket of cold water. He could have said anything else at that moment and it wouldn’t have mattered. But it was evident who he wished to be with right now.
He was using her that much was clear now. Grabbing the sides of his face she forced him to look at her.
“I’m not her Spike. I’m not Julia” Faye said looking at eyes. Hoping to see some sign of redemption. Her heart shattered as she saw no emotion in his eyes – it had all been just lust.
How strong do you think I am?
How much can I take of this?
Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?
How deep do you wanna go?
‘Cause I’ll go there if I can,
You make it harder than is has to be,
How strong, how strong?
Faye took advantage of his shocked state and pushed him off her. Grabbing her shirt off the floor, she left out his room without another word spoken.
Spike laid there sinking in all that had happened in just a few minutes. She was wrong. He hadn’t meant it that way. It was too late now either way. He wouldn’t go after her, he wouldn’t admit he wanted her; no he would never let her know.
How strong do you think I am?
How much can I take of this?
Am I a rock, or a rose, or a fist?
Or the breath at the end of a kiss?
How deep do you wanna go?
‘Cause I’ll go there if I can,
You make it harder than it has to be,
How strong? How strong?
How strong? How strong do you think I am?
The bath water was now getting cold. Faye didn’t know how much time she had spent sitting there remembering. Sliding a hand across her neck she smiled. The memories caused her to feel his breath on her again. Closing her eyes her thoughts were filled with that one last breath … that one last kiss … he had given her. Her smiled faded as she let her drop back down. Too bad it wasn’t her … who he had thinking of.